


I'm Sorry For Breaking Your Hearts

by DontGetTooCloseItsDarkInside



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Crying, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Insomnia, M/M, Nightmares, Nyctophobia, Scratching, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, breaking up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-05-06 13:49:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5419418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontGetTooCloseItsDarkInside/pseuds/DontGetTooCloseItsDarkInside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't want to be with any of you anymore." </p><p>Never had a bigger lie ever fallen from Kenma’s lips.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. They Say Times Supposed To Heal You

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to Hello by Adele and for some reason or another i started thinking about this. I should probably be working on my other fics instead but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ i happen to be trash

_I don't want to be with any of you anymore._

 

Never had a bigger lie ever fallen from Kenma’s lips.

 

Whenever he closed his eyes he can see Akaashi’s eyes. His beautiful eyes that Kenma always wanted to stare into because they were so pretty and understanding and smart but was always too afraid to. The way agony had overtaken them when Kenma’s words had registered, how he could see his heart break right before him, open and vulnerable like Akaashi hardly ever let himself be.

 

He could hear the whimpering from Bokuto, Bokuto who always made his heart ache whenever he was sad, Bokuto who he always wanted to be energetic and happy, even though he always claimed he found it annoying, his voice begging him to say that he wasn't being serious please let it be a joke even though it was mean he would forgive him anyways just please say you don't mean it.

 

He could feel Kuroo trying to wrap his arms around him, trying to make him stay and explain himself, Kuroo who had always known him better than he knew himself, who had always watched over him, but he had slipped out of his reach and had left before he could let him have another chance, because he knew that if he got his hands on him he would admit he wasn't being honest.

 

He could taste his own tears as they slipped down his cheeks and burned the corners of his chapped mouth as he ran down the street from Kuroo’s house back to his.

 

It was for the best.

 

He didn't deserve them.

 

It would benefit them in the long run.

 

He hoped that one day, sooner rather then later, that they would all understand that.

 

* * *

 

 

It had been two months, it was time for the summer training camp. He loaded onto the bus with his other teammates mid-morning, with purple shadows under his eyes and his hair a horrible mess. Kuroo was sitting with Fukunaga in the front, so he sat with Yamamoto at the very back of the bus and listened to him wail about finally being reunited with his dearest friend Tanaka.

  
  


He hadn't spoken to or seen Bokuto and Akaashi since that day, even though Bokuto had sent him about two hundred texts for the first three weeks after the breakup, he never answered any of them.

 

They were repetitive and desperate and said things like, _please come back, i miss you, i love you, please kenma  please, can we talk about it?, did i do something wrong, it's my fault isn't it?, im sorry kenma im sorry._

 

After awhile they stopped, and he guessed it was Akaashi who made him put an end to it.

 

Those were the hardest weeks. He wanted to answer him, he wanted to tell him  it wasn't his fault, that he never did anything wrong, that he was perfect. But he knew Akaashi and Kuroo would all be there for one another, and they would all get through it. They were good together, the three of them, and they didn't need him.

 

Bokuto still texted him _I love you_ sometimes. Every time he did, Kenma cried himself to sleep.

 

Kenma didn't have the strength to block his number.  

 

Kuroo and him had barely spoken more than a handful of words to each other. He walked Kenma to and from school every single day, just like he had always done, but he never said a word to him, so Kenma didn't say anything either. If they did talk it was during practice, and even then it was only when they had too, if Kuroo could avoid it he did.

 

He didn't walk Kenma to the gym anymore, he didn't eat lunch with him anymore, he didn't come to his house or drag him to ramen shops or cafes or come with him to the store on game release days anymore.  

 

Lev had taken it upon himself to keep Kenma company since day one, he didn't know how the entire team had found out about the breakup overnight, but they had. He followed him around the gym during practice even when he was supposed to be practicing his receives and he barged his way into Kenma’s classroom during lunch break everyday to eat with him. After about a week of just Lev, they had been joined by Yaku who eventually dragged along a grinning Inuoka and a bright eyed Shibayama with him.

 

None of them talked about it. He had never been more thankful for his teammates. The silence had been killing him, he had gotten used to Bokuto’s loud voice and his and Kuroo’s constant teases and pranks. Now it felt weird for it to be quiet.

 

He couldn't stand the quiet anymore.

 

Of course, he had no one to blame but himself.

 

You did this for them, remember? He would say to himself.

 

At three in the morning, a few hours before he was supposed to be on the bus, he sat up alone in his bed, his room brightened up by the fairy lights wrapped around his bedpost and the owl shaped night light across the room, Akaashi’s contact number open on his phone, his finger hovering over the call button.

 

They’re better off without you.

 

He tossed the phone to the end of the bed and laid down, pulling the blanket over his head.

* * *

 

 

The first team to arrive after Nekoma was Fukurodani.

 

He heard Bokuto’s voice before he saw him, and quickly hid behind Lev, who seemed content with being his human shield.

 

He was stupid to come, so, so stupid, he shouldn't have come, he should have quite volleyball, how was he going to get through the week? He didn't think he would be able to. He was an idiot, he was-

 

Bokuto flew in with his usual “HEY HEY HEY” and sprinted towards Kuroo while his teammates filled in through the door after him, one of them in particular standing out.

 

Kenma stared at him through the small space between Lev’s arm and his side. He was as beautiful as ever. Tall and slender with his curled black hair and dark eyes and small frown, the small pinch between his eyebrows from trying to reign Bokuto in.

 

He wanted to disappear, he didn't want Akaashi to see him, he didn't want Bokuto to see him. His  chest felt tight and he started to shake all over, he kept his mouth clamped shut, trying to silence the heavy breathing and the small whimpers coming from his mouth. Unfortunately one of them slipped out and everyone heard, everyone went quiet and looked towards Lev, who planted himself more firmly in front of Kenma.

 

Yaku sprung into action and grabbed Kenma by the shoulders, turning him so his back was towards both of the teams and quickly lead him out of the gym through the other door. Lev followed them out and closed the door behind them.

 

Yaku led him as far away as he could before Kenma couldn't hold it in anymore. His body went slack and Yaku held him up as best as he could before they both fell to the ground, landing on their knees in the grass.

 

“It's okay, Kenma-san.” Lev told him, sitting down with them on the ground.

 

Kenma felt like he was dying, he wanted to die, he didn't care if his body gave out right then and there from the panic.

 

Yaku rubbed his chest gently and spoke softly in his ear, it took a while for him to pay attention, but eventually all three of them were doing breathing exercises. Kuroo had made them all learn them in the beginning of the year during their free time, saying it was important to support their teammate incase Kenma ever had a anxiety attack while he wasn't around to help, for once, none of the club members had complained and they had all learned willingly. Very, very slowly, the panic in his chest started to vanish.

 

Yaku got out a tissue and mopped up his face the best he could without taking the arm he had around Kenma’s shoulders off.

 

“Kenma-san-” Lev began.

 

“Is everything alright?”

 

They all looked up to find Coach Naoi standing over them, concerned plastered on his face.

 

“Kenma panicked a bit, but he’s doing a little better now Coach.” Yaku cast a look at the broken eyed setter, whose head was down, face covered by his curtains of blonde hair.

 

“It would probably be best to let  him rest for a bit,” Coach Naoi decided after a moment of observing the second year. He frowned. “Nekoma and Fukurodani are going to squeeze a match in before the other teams show up.”

 

“Let Shibayama-kun play in my place, he could use the practice.” Yaku immediately said. “I’m going to stay with him.”

 

Lev opened his mouth, getting ready to volunteer as well, but Yaku cut him off.

 

“You go play, Lev.”

 

“But Yaku-san-” Lev immediately protested, looking at the panting setter.

 

“You want to be the ace, right?” Yaku said. “Well you need to play in games to be an ace, even the ones just for practice.”

 

Lev frowned, but he seemed convinced. “Okay.”

 

“Come along, Lev.”

 

Lev got to his feet and started walking back to his gym, Kenma heard him ask, “Who's going to be setter, though?”

 

“We’ll have someone else do it just for today.”

 

Once they were back inside, Yaku looked at Kenma the best he could and asked, “Was it because…” he trailed off, but Kenma knew what he meant.

 

He nodded.

 

“Do you miss them?” Yaku asked him softly.

 

“Every single day.” He whispered. 

  
Yaku held him gently.

 

 


	2. But I Ain't Done Much Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel as if I'm going to give you all expectations updating this early and stuff 
> 
> Just so you know~ Fukurodani and Nekoma did not have a match against each other the first day besides that first match that Kenma didn't take part in. For reasons. For the plot. (read: i didnt wanna write that scene in this chapter, it will be in the next one)
> 
> This is probably gonna end up having 5 chapters

“Gwah! Kenmmaaa!”

 

Kenma braced for impact in time for him not to go tumbling to the ground when all of Shouyou’s weight knocked into him at full force. The middle blocker wrapped his arms around Kenma and spun them both around a few times.

 

Kenma slipped his PSP into his pocket, he hadn't been planning it much recently, but it had become habit for him to carry it with him everywhere anyways. Shouyou backed up, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He looked happy enough, but his eyes suddenly turned serious and he leaned forward to ask him in a gentle voice,

 

“How are you doing?”

 

Kenma’s chest squeezed painfully. On the night he had broken up with them, he had called Shouyou as he cried and hid underneath his blankets, telling him everything he had done and why he had done it, Shouyou was the only person who knew why he had done what he had done. And even though he had tried to convince Kenma that was he was feeling wasn't true, he didn't judge him for his decision, he was supportive, not because he agreed with his choice, but because Kenma needed support. He had kept him up until early morning, but he didn't complain once.

 

“I’m fine.” He said softly.

 

Shouyou narrowed his large brown eyes at him. “Kenma.” He said pointedly. “Be honest with me, I’ve been worried about you.

 

Kenma felt his stomach sink. He was even a bother to Shouyou.

 

“I’m trying.” he said softly, looking at the ground.

 

Shouyou’s patted his arm. “Good.” Kenma looked back up in time to witness his eyes click back to being as bright as the sun. “When’s the first game?” he asked, sounding nearly breathless.

 

“Hinata!” Lev cried, racing towards both of them. “Did you get any taller?”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

* * *

 

 

“Lev.”

 

Lev turned to Hinata, raising a silky silver brow. “Huh?”

 

Hinata nodded for Lev to follow him. Kenma was currently being watched over by Inuoka (not that he knew he was being watched) so he finally had the opportunity to get some more information on how Kenma was doing.

 

Once they were outside of the gym, Hinata took a step forward and ask him in a voice as quiet as he could manage, “How is he really doing?”

 

Lev’s smile dropped and he frowned deeply, concern blossoming over his emerald eyes. “Not that good.” He admitted, sadly.

 

Hinata nodded, he had been expecting that much.

 

“Lev!”

 

They both startled and watched Yaku march down the stairs towards them. “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be watching Kenma.” He whisper-yelled.

 

“Ah Yaku-san,” Lev pouted. “Inuoka is watching him. Hinata wanted to ask me about how Kenma is doing.”

 

Yaku frowned at that and jumped off the last step to stand with them, hands on his hips.

 

He looked at Hinata. “He hasn't been doing very well.”

 

“I already told him that.” Lev whined.

 

“Shush.”

 

Lev pouted and hung himself along the length of Yaku’s back.  Or well, as much as he could before he crouched over to rest his head on Yaku. “Yaku-san, don't be so mean.”

 

Yaku verbally ignored him, but he reached back to run his fingers through his silvery head of hair.

 

“His appetite is all over the place he either eats too much or not enough, he’s gained weight, he hasn't been sleeping at night but falls asleep during the day, he’s fatigued, has lots of headaches and body cramps, and he hasn't been playing his games much.” Yaku reported to Hinata as he continued to please the silver cat plastered to his back like glue. He frowned a bit. “Not that I’m against Kenma gaining a little weight, but still, it's different than his usual behavior and I’m not sure he’s gaining it in a healthy way.”

 

Hinata tapped his chin with a very concentrated looked. He looked at Yaku. “What does all that mean?”

 

Yaku refrained himself from rolling his eyes. “He’s depressed.”

 

Lev wailed loudly. “Poor Kenma-san!”

 

“Shh!” Yaku and Hinata both hissed at him.

 

“How can I be quiet when Kenma-san is in pain?” he demanded. “I just wanna hold him in my arms and protect him from the whole world.”

 

“He would sooner kill you.” Yaku told him.

 

“He would never allow it.” Hinata agreed.

 

“Why won't Kuroo-san do it for me anymore?” Lev whined.

 

“Because Kenma broke up with him.” Yaku reminded him sadly.

 

“Kuroo-san should work harder to get him back.”

 

“Lev!” Yaku scolded sharply, eyes narrowing at the tall giant. Nekoma, as a whole, had all agreed to not take official sides in the breakup. Though he was pretty sure all the first years were leaning towards their small setter simply out of pure love and adoration for him, the seconds and thirds were keeping stubbornly mutual.

 

“I don't car-”

 

“What are you guys doing out here?”

 

A shiver of terror ran down all three of their spines, all turning as one to find Kuroo looming in the doorway, a frown dressing his face instead of his usual smirk. He had not been smirking much lately, and even though Yaku had spent years complaining about it, he know missed it and wanted it back, Kuroo wasn't Kuroo without that dumb smirk.

 

Though, Kuroo also wasn't really Kuroo without Kenma by his side.

 

He looks like an old man with that frown on his face, Yaku thought to himself and shivered slightly. It was just….so unnatural. So un-Kuroo.

 

He definitely wanted his friend back to the way he was before.

 

“Nothing,” Yaku told him, grabbing both Hinata and Lev by their shirt collars and guiding them back into the gym, shoving past Kuroo.

 

“You look like a mother cat and her kittens.” Kuroo said, a shadow of his old smirk playing on his face.

 

Yaku stopped and looked at him. “Don't be ridiculous,” he rattled Hinata a little. “This one doesn't belong to me, he’s one of Suga-kun’s baby crows.”

 

* * *

 

  
  


There was nowhere left to sit. Kenma held his tray in both of his slightly shaking hands as anxiety overtook him. All of his former companions had wondered off and had taken their own seats at tables that were full.

 

There was a table half open, but Kenma didn't know if he had the strength to go over there.

 

Kuroo sat on one side with Konoha and Saruki to his right and Bokuto and Akaashi sat across from them, Komi sitting on the end of the bench on Bokuto’s left. They were all smiling, even Akaashi, their eyes bright and grins wide and cheerful. Just watching them made his aching heart feel like it was going to break out of his chest. If he went over there he would surely ruin it, they would probably even tell him to leave them alone, and he would have to live through that embarrassment as well.

 

Kenma was seriously considering dumping his tray on the floor, running out the door, hiding somewhere in the school and letting himself quietly die there.

 

Seriously.

 

But before he could follow through with his plan, he was grabbed by the back of his shirt and hauled to the table before being shoved into the empty seat on the end of the bench, Yamamoto next to him and Inuoka and Shibayama sitting across from him, wide grins on both of their faces.

 

The other end of the table had quieted down a far bit, but the three members of Nekoma who had kidnapped him either didn't notice or didn't care too, and instantly struck up a conversation between them.

 

“Taketora-san, your last spike was amazing.” Inuoka nearly crooned.

 

“It blew me away!” Shibayama added on, nodding his head repeatedly.

 

As Yamamoto instantly grinned and started bragging about how incredible, he, their senpai, was, Kenma realized just what they were doing. They were using Yamamoto’s proud and annoying behavior as a shield for him so he could eat.

 

When Yamamoto got like this, nobody wanted to interact with him willingly, especially not Kuroo, who always looked ready to throw the ace out a window at any given moment. It guaranteed that Kenma would be left alone, even if he did have to sit there at the same table as his exes with guilt weighing down his heart.

 

He caught Shibayama’s eye from across the table and gave him a thankful look, which the first year quickly returned with a bright smile and a subtle thumbs up.

 

Once again, he was extremely grateful for his teammates.

 

He heard the chatter from the other side of the table pick up again. He could hear their voices, they all made his head spin a little with need, but especially Bokuto and Akaashi’s. It had been too long. He missed them so much it was painful.

 

He wanted to look. Would they catch him if he looked? What would they say to him if they caught him? Would they even say anything if they did?

 

He didn't care, he needed to.

 

He looked.

 

Wide golden owl eyes stared back at him, totally unreadable. It wasn't just a coincidence that he had looked at Kenma when he had looked at them, he had been staring at Kenma.

 

His breath caught in his throat, there was a million things he wanted to say.

 

_I’m sorry, I miss you, please take me back, I’ll be better, I promise. Please._

 

Bokuto’s eyes caught him in their web, he could not look away. Tears stung his eyes and his face twisted in pain, Bokuto’s eyes flickered with something, something that made them not unreadable to him, but before he could figure out what  it was his sight was misted over.

 

He got up quietly and quickly and left without a word.

 

* * *

 

 

Kenma’s phone vibrated in the bathroom while he was cleaning his face with cold water.

 

A text.

 

He grabbed it, figuring it was Yamamoto or Inuoka, asking where he had gone.

 

It wasn't.

 

_From: Bokuto Koutarou_

_Subject:_

_  
I love you Kenma  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I know that it says no one has taken a side. (besides Lev smh stop breaking the rules) but if, hypothetically speaking, people did take sides, who would be one whose side and why. 
> 
> Now I know Lev may seem a bit ridiculous to some of you for taking Kenma's side ....he really loves Kenma. Plus Lev is just a tad bit strange in nature and he really does have an explanation on why he feels the way he does, even though it may seem pretty immature. He is, in fact, just a kid. Don't let his tallness fool you.


	3. That Missing Part In All Of Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this pretty much just gives you some insight on akaashi bokuto and kuroos feelings after the breakup

Akaashi remembered the first time he had gotten his heart broken. He was fourteen years old, in the middle of his final year of junior high. He met him on the volleyball team, his boyfriend was as smooth and as popular as one could be, with his dyed hair, undercut and ear piercings piercings, he was always playing around and getting in trouble, always loud and hardly ever studied. He was everything that Akaashi wasn't, and yet he was drawn to him in the same way that a moth was drawn to a flame. And just like a moth he was easily tricked and unprepared for the final burn.

It was such a bad boy cliche, wasn't it? Something that you read about happening in teen novels or saw in manga or anime. Being dumped after giving someone your virginity. That kind of betrayal was as horrible as the books said it did. 

No. He was wrong.

It was even worse. 

Not only was his heartbroken, but his trust had been shattered. 

Promises had been made to him, promises to love him forever, promises that he had believed because he was stupid-no that wasn't right, promises he had believed because he wanted them to be true. He wanted to have someone to be with him always, and he had wanted it to be him at the time. 

Shortly after that his ex left Tokyo and moved somewhere further up north, he wasn't exactly sure where, and honestly he didn't care to know. 

At the time he felt like he would never recover, that he would never move on, that the pain he felt would never end.

But that....that pain he had felt back then. It was nothing compared to what he felt now. The pain of losing Kenma was so much more painful then that had ever been. It was agony. 

He had never told his boyfriends exactly what had happened in junior high, they just knew that he had trouble with trusting people when it came to romantic and sexual relationships. Well, Bokuto and Kuroo knew. He never told Kenma, he didn't want him to worry about him. 

Kenma might have not seemed the type to worry about other people all that much to others, but Akaashi knew he worried more then the he, Kuroo and Bokuto all put together. 

At first, he was stunned, his heart was on fire with feelings, and so were his eyes, but his brain just didnt register it at first, and when it did it didnt do so properly. 

He was silent for three days, three long days were he scared the hell out of Kuroo and Bokuto. Bokuto would follow him around school every time he could and followed him home, sitting on the bed and trailing him throughout the house and watching him as he went about his usual business. 

Doing his chores, his homework, feeding his iguana and the fish. 

Finally Bokuto dragged him back to Kuroo's house, into his room. He was of the thought that seeing the place where Kenma had ended it was what made it finally hit him. He sat on the end of the bed, were he had been sitting where Kenma told them he needed to talk to him, wondering to himself how Kuroo could stand being in this room.

Very suddenly, so suddenly he scared himself, he began to laugh.   
Kuroo and Bokuto looked at him with so much fear in their eyes. He looked back at them and laughed and laughed, completely hysterical, his laughter dissolved into curses and screaming. Which turned into throwing things off of Kuroo's bed and his nightstand and sending his cat Kozu running out of the room. 

Bokuto had to restrain him before he broke anymore of their boyfriend's stuff. He wrapped his arms around Akaashi's middle from behind and held him as tightly as he could to his chest, they fall back onto the bed together and Bokuto just held him, even when he tried to fight out of his grasp he held onto him until he stopped screaming and he just cried, cried so hard for so long. Kuroo knelled on the bed with them and buried his head into his hair, running his hands gently over his shoulders and his arms. 

It felt nice.

He loved them both so much.

But they weren't complete. 

Kenma had been his safe place. One of the few people he had always thought would never hurt him, one of the few people that he had given his trust too after he was sure he would never be able to trust anyone again.  
.....  
Kenma had been like a little doll to Bokuto. Not a toy. A porcelain doll maybe, something very precious. He always wanted to take care of him.

Maybe it really was his fault. Kuroo and Akaashi told him a million times that it wasn't his fault, but he thought it might be. He had probably been to pushy, to overbearing. 

When Kenma told him to buzz off, he just clung harder, and a few seconds later Kenma would give in and allow Bokuto to hang all over him and drown him in near constant affection, and he had always thought it was because Kenma secretly wanted him too, but he was just being shy and stubborn. 

Bokuto was often thought of as the baby of his team because of his mood swings and the constant need to be reassured of his greatness, and that was true, but at the same time he also craved to have someone to dot on and give affection to. Akaashi wouldn't allow Bokuto to mushy talk to him, and Kuroo would drop kick him into hell if he ever seriously tried to carry him, so he had done it to Kenma. 

He would always blush bright red, and he had thought it was because he liked it, but maybe he had been embarrassed, maybe he was embarrassed of him all together.

He called him and text him, trying to apologize for everything he might have done to make Kenma pull away from them. He begged for another chance. Akaashi saw his texts one day and sadly, but sternly, told him that it wouldn't help them, and it would be better if he stopped. 

For Akaashi's sake, he did.

Mostly. 

He couldn't stop himself from occasionally texting Kenma every now and again. He needed Kenma to know that he still loved him.

Every time he told him, it was with the silent hope that it would bring him back to them.  
...............  
Kenma had been so many things to Kuroo. His partner, his teammate, his player one in video games, his lover, his boyfriend, but especially, his best friend. 

In one night, with a few words, he lost all of that. 

He couldn't not be around Kenma though. He couldn't stop himself from waiting outside his house the next day, his chest feeling hollow but like it had been set on fire all at the same time. 

He didn't say anything about the circles underneath the setters eyes, nor his messy hair or that he was wearing the yellow hoodie that Hinata had left behind when he had visited him a few weeks before over his school jacket. 

They walked together in silence, Kuroo's hands in his pockets and looking straight ahead, sneaking glances at Kenma every few moments when he knew the younger boy wouldn't be looking. 

Kenma's head was down, but he had no console in his hands, or anywhere on his person that Kuroo could see. He was just staring at the ground, his curtains of hair doing their job of covering his face. 

Kuroo couldn't think of anything to say.

If he couldn't have Kenma as a boyfriend, then he still wanted him in his life, he would always want him there, no matter what. But he didn't know how to put it into words, for the first time in his life he didn't know how to talk to Kenma. 

He wanted to look after Kenma, like he had always done, but he didn't know how to do that either anymore. 

He couldn't decide who had it worse, he, who had to see Kenma everyday and couldn't be with him, or Akaashi and Bokuto, who didn't see him at all but also knew they couldn't be with him. 

Without Kenma, without having him to talk to both casually and seriously, without being able to spend time with him, without being able to look after him, Kenma was a part of him, part of his personality, his brain, part of everything he was and everything he lived for. 

Who had it worse didn't matter though.

In the end, they all suffered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me kno if u want some more parts from akaashi bokuto and kuroos point of view
> 
> also take a guess if you want of who akaashis ex boyfriend was


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE FLASHBACK CHAPTER FROM HELL 
> 
> so yeah its quite obvious by now that this is gonna end up being more then 5 chapters because i insist on writing chapters like this
> 
> my laptop hasnt been working so i wanted to get in a update but i dont have the time to really write a chapter that will really move the main plot along so please accept this humble painful offering for now

Kenma had always been afraid of the dark. 

Logically, he knew why people feared the dark and knew that it was unreasonable and no there was nothing creepy hiding three feet from his bed that would eat him, but his brain never listened to reason, as per usual, and he suffered with his fear. 

He always needed something to illuminate his room, when he was younger he used nightlights just like every other kid did, like even Kuroo did. But as he got older and everyone else put theirs away and comfortingly fell asleep in the pitch black, he was never able too.

Kuroo knew of his fear, of course he did. He spent just as much time at Kenma’s house growing up as he spent at his own house. He always saw the cat styled nightlights, one of them glowing with yellow light across the room, and another one glowing a soft green by the bed. He never said a word about it though, he knew how embarrassed Kenma would be, and he didn't want that. He didn't think there was anything wrong with it. Kenma was afraid of the dark? So what? Why did it matter? Kuroo had promised himself to protect Kenma from everything he feared the day he had met him and had agreed to be his friend. His first friend. His best friend. He would protect him from the dark, from bullies, from everything. Even from himself. 

During his first year of high school, he got a call in the middle of the night. 

“Kuroo,” Kenma’s voice, laced with tears, whimpered from the other side of the phone. His heart jumped into his throat the moment he heard the distress in his voice. “Can you come over?” 

Kuroo promised he would be over soon and was climbing up to Kenma’s window not five minutes later, frowning when he noticed how dark the room was from where he crouched out on the ledge. He slid the window open and slid in without making a noise, his heart doing another jump with what he saw, 

Kenma curled up in his blankets, back pressed firmly into his mattress, nothing showing but his wide, frightened eyes that stared up at Kuroo. 

Kuroo took a look around the room and quickly realized why Kenma was so afraid. 

“Where are your lights?” Kuroo asked him as he slipped out of his shoes and his hastily thrown on jacket and jogging pants. He slipped in next to Kenma and took him into his arms immediately, holding him close so he could hid his face in his shirt. 

“Where are your lights, Kenma?” Kuroo repeated himself after the trembling of Kenma’s body had subdued. 

“I threw them away.” Kenma whispered after a moment of silence. Kuroo looked down at him to see his eyes clamped tightly shut, hands covering his cheeks where tears slowly fell down onto.   
“Why?” Kuroo demanded as quietly as he could. Why would he do something so foolish? Something he knew would send his anxiety spiraling out of control, why would he do that to himself? 

“Because….” Kenma started, but then didn't continue, he hid his face into Kuroo’s chest again, his hands leaving his face to curl around Kuroo’s loose shirt. 

“Kenma,” Kuroo prompted. 

“Because,” Kenma said again, taking a shaky breath. “You’re in highschool now, and it's going to be even more embarrassing than it already was in junior high for you to hang out with someone who uses nightlights and is scared of the dark.”

Kuroo was quiet for a moment, stunned into silence. He hadn't been expecting an answer like that, though with this being Kenma, he should have. 

“So you thought I would be happier if you threw them away and gave yourself anxiety attacks?” He asked softly, slowly moving one of his hands to rest on top Kenma’s lovely black hair. It was soft and smooth, he had to stop himself from running his fingers through it like he wanted. It smelled good too. 

Kenma’s apple scented shampoo should be the last thing he thought about right now, he reminded himself.

Kenma didn't answer him, not that he had been really expecting him too. 

Kuroo sighed softly and told him, “I wouldn't want to make friends with people who would care about something like that. 

“You’re stupid.” Kenma said. 

Kuroo laughed softly at that. “Yeah? I’m stupid?” he asked. “How come?” 

“Because you’re you.” Kenma said through a soft sob. “You can do anything. You can be friends with anyone, and have as many as you want. And I hold you back.” 

The fact Kenma thought so little of himself made his heart ache so painfully. The hand in Kenma’s hair slipped down to his chin, cupping it gently and tipping his head up so they were facing one another

“Kenma,” he said until Kenma reluctantly opened his eyes and looked at him, eyes sparkling with tears. 

“You’re all I need.” 

Kenma’s eyes widened and a soft gasp fell from his lips. They stared at one another for a moment, before Kenma’s lips trembled and fresh tears ran down his face, a horrible sob falling from his lips. 

“Kenma,” Kuroo said in shock. 

“Kuroo.” Kenma said, tilting his head down, tears falling from his eyes and onto the comforter at a rabid pace. “I love you.” 

Kenma flung himself at Kuroo, so he landed on his back and clung to him, face shoved into the nap of his neck.

“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.” he said over and over again, shaky and quiet, through heart wrenching sobs and whimpers. “Don't leave me behind,” he begged him. 

Kuroo kissed him, earning another loud gasp when they parted. “I love you too, Kenma.” 

“Kuroo…” Kenma whispered brokenly. 

“I love you, Kenma.” he repeated and kissed him again.

The next day Kuroo bought him yellow and green fairy lights and wrapped them around the bottom frame of his bed, as he laid across the mattress, playing with one of his new games. When he was finished he laid down in the space left for him, behind Kenma, throwing an arm across his waist and hooking his chin on his shoulder to watch him play. 

Kuroo ran his fingers through Kenma’s hair and was happy. 

…….

Kuroo woke up with gasp. 

The room Nekoma was sleeping in was lightly lighted up by a single lantern in the corner of the room. Kenma slept in the row across from him, in between Lev and Yaku, curled up in a small ball. There was once a time when he would curl up just like that in Kuroo’s side. 

He reached up and wasn't all that surprised to find the tears marking his face. 

He sighed, his heart weighed down with pain, and went back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll write another chapter as soon as possible 
> 
> also there might be like a continuation of subjects of that flashback but with bokuto and akaashi as well
> 
> also obviously during the time of that flashback neither of them knew bokuto or akaashi yet


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry for the long wait, my laptop still isnt working and its going to be another month or two before i get a new one. 
> 
> i added some important tags
> 
> please be warned: this chapter contains dark thoughts, scratching, and mentions/implications of past cutting.

Why was he even alive? What worth did he even have? If he just disappeared, who anyone even really miss him? He was so replaceable, there was so many people better for the people he cared about.

Why did Shouyou need a friend like him, who was always depressed and anxious? When he had other friends, friends that lived closer to him, that he went to school with, that were all smiles and energy.

Why did Lev look up to him? There were so many other better and more talented people on the team. Why did he chose him to follow around and latch himself too, because he was the setter? Nekoma could get a new setter, he wasn't all that good at it anyway, right?

Why did Yaku dot on him? Why did he let him worry about him? Yaku was too kind, he didn't deserve to have to deal with Kenma’s problems. 

Why did Inuoka and Shibayama do their best to look after him when Yaku couldn't? He was their senior, he was the one who was supposed to look after them. It was just another thing that proved how pathetic he was, he couldn't even take care of a few well behaved and respectful first years. 

Why was Yamamoto protective of him? He wasn't worth protecting. He wasn't worth anything. 

His teammates probably thought he didn't notice that they were taking turns looking after him and keeping him company, but he did. Why did they do that? Why did they care? Why did anyone care about him?

He couldn't find the answer, he had never been able too.

….. 

“Yaku-san, look at Kenma-san.” 

Yaku apologized to Shibayama on Lev’s behalf and turned away from the other libero, his eyes flying across to the other end of the court where Kenma stood on his own, his head turned downwards, his eyes looked weird. 

He excused himself once again, this time to both of the first years, giving Lev a pointed look so he wouldn't follow him. He walked up to Kenma as casually as he could, not wanting to gain any attention from any of the other players that were relaxing during their short break in between games. 

He wrapped an arm around Kenma’s shoulders and quietly guided him out of the gym. Walking passed the hill that Karasuno was currently sprinting up and too the back of the gym behind the one the games were being held in. They sat together on the steps in the back, side by side, Kenma not saying a word, continuing to silently stare down at his lap.

Yaku shook him a little. “Kenma?” he questioned softly. Usually he would have said something to him by now, but he hadn't said anything. He was so silent, which was normal for Kenma, who was naturally a quiet person, but this was different, this was an eery silence. Yaku couldn't even hear him breathing. If he couldn't see the gentle rise and fall of his chest he would have been even more worried than he already was. 

“Kenma-san?” he asked, his voice showing just how panicked he felt. He had never seen Kenma like this before. He didn't know what to do. It wasn't like the time with the panic attack, he was worried then too, but he knew exactly what to do and how to handle it, but right now he had no idea what was going on or what to do. 

And if he didn't know what to do, Hinata or Lev sure as hell wouldn't know what to do either. Those two put together hardly made up half a brain. 

He would have to do it. 

“Kenma?” He prompted the setter one last time, hoping that he would respond to him. 

He didn't. 

Yaku swallowed thickly, knowing what he had to do. 

He got to his feet and stood in front of the second year for a moment, “I’ll be right back, don't go anywhere.” Not that he was worried that he would, Kenma looked like he was never going to move ever again.

He went around the back gym and went back into the first one, eyes shooting around to try to spot one of the three people who would hopefully know what to do. 

He found Akaashi standing off to the side of the court, talking to Konoha.Yaku hesitated, foot raised for just a few seconds too long before he swallowed tightly and marched up to the setter with determination, while also trying not to gain any attention from any of his other teammates. 

“Akaashi-san.” 

Akaashi, who had finally been laughing for once, broke off and tipped his head down to look at him, a shadow of a soft smile on his face.

“Is something wrong, Yaku-san?” he asked kindly. 

“I need your help.” Yaku said, not looking at either of the other players.

Akaashi’s eyes widened a bit in surprise, not having been expecting that. He and Yaku had talked a few times with one another and they got along well, but they weren't exactly very close. 

Yaku bit the inside of his cheek, gathering his emotions before saying as quietly as he could, “I need you to help me with Kenma.” 

Akaashi’s hand tightened around his water bottle, his grip so hard his knuckles went white. 

“I thought you were all aware,” Akaashi began, as Konoha turned on his heel and walked quickly away from the scene, knowing that Kenma was a sensitive subject for his vice-captain, “But Kozume-san and I aren't together anymore.”

“I know that….I….please Akaashi-san, I’m don't know how to help him and I’m afraid. Something’s wrong with him.” 

Akaashi turned to him quickly, forehead deeply creased with worry. “What do you mean ‘something’s wrong with him’?” 

“He’s not moving or talking and his eyes look strange. I’ve never seen him like that.” 

Something close to panic flickered across Akaashi’s eyes,he set down his bottle on the bench and asked him, “Where is he?” 

“I brought him to the back of the gym.” Yaku told him. Akaashi turned and took off on a run towards the door, and Yaku was forced to sprint just to keep up with him. He just hoped that Kenma was okay and that he was right where he had left him.

Kenma was right where he left him, but he was not okay.

His shorts had been up around the top of his thighs and his hands were moving at an agonizingly slow pace, dragging his fingernails deep and hard enough into his skin to leave large red scraps, the skin breaking at random points and little spots of red bursting at the surface, one spot having a thin trickle of blood run down his thigh and onto the staircase underneath him. There was numerous thin, straight scars across the top of his thighs on both of his legs. His head was still turned down and he still wasn't making any noise at all. 

Yaku was stunned in place for a moment while Akaashi went to Kenma without any hesitation, grabbing him around the wrists and forcing them up and away from his thighs. 

“What’s going on in your head?” He heard Akaashi ask Kenma softly. 

Kenma didn't answer him, he slumped forward, his forehead resting in the center of Akaashi’s chest, his body quivering and soft, sad noises slipping out from his closed mouth. 

Akaashi shushed him and released his hold on his wrists, wrapping his arms around him and cradling him against his body gently. 

“Keiji…” Kenma said painfully. 

“Kenma.” Akaashi answered him with no emotion in his voice other than patience. 

“Am I worthless?” Kenma asked Akaashi. 

Yaku’s heart stopped, and it felt for a moment like his throat had closed up. 

“No,” Akaash answered him without any pause. “You have all the worth in the world. Your extraordinary.” He told Kenma, his voice indicating at nothing else but the fact that he found what he just said to be absolutely true.

Akaashi turned to look at Yaku and quietly said, “Could you tell the coaches that we may need an extended break for me, Yaku-san?” 

Yaku nodded and ran off back to the gym.

“Keiji…” Kenma said once his teammate had gone, but did not continue, just slumped himself even further into Akaashi’s chest, his hands wrapped tightly in the material of the back of the setters shirt. 

“Keiji.” Kenma said again. 

“What is it?” Akaashi asked him. 

“Keiji.” Kenma sobbed. 

Akaashi carefully swept the hair that had fallen forward out of his face and wiped away one of the tears slowly making its way down his cheek, looking him deeply in his scrunched up, broken and tear filled eyes. 

“I…” Kenma cut himself off, lips trembling. “I….” 

“I can take it from here, Akaashi-kun.” 

Akaashi turned, Nekomata-sensei stood there with his hands folded in front of him, eyebrows pinched together in thought, Yaku standing a few paces behind him.  
Akaashi gave Kenma’s delicate wrists one last squeeze before getting to his feet and turning to the Nekomata-sensei, he gave a stiff bow and left without another word. Yaku looked back and forth between the two setters, not sure whether to stay or to go. 

“Yaku-kun,” Nekomata-sensei said.

“Yes, sensei?”

“Go back to practice.”

“Yes, sir.” 

Yaku wanted to stay now. He wanted to know what was going to happen to Kenma, know what Nekomata-sensei was going to say to him, but he didn't protest and left the scene, following after Akaashi back into the gym, not letting himself look back. 

He stood in the doorway of the gym and watched as Akaashi ignored Bokuto when he tried to talk to him, brushing him off gently and going off to sit by himself, putting his head in his shaking hands. 

Yaku kind of wanted to join him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you think kenma was going to say to akaashi?


	6. Chapter 6

“Hey, what's wrong?” 

Akaashi didn't look up at Kuroo at all and instead continued eating his dinner. 

“Nothing.” He replied flatly. 

He felt one of his boyfriend's hands creep underneath the table and rest on his thigh. 

“Did something happen?”

“I’m fine, Kuroo-san.” Akaashi said, doing the best he could to keep his voice emotionless. 

“Are you okay?” Kuroo pushed gently, scooting closer to him, his other arm wrapping gently around his waist. 

“I’m fine.” Akaashi said.

“That's quite a bit of empathize on the I’m,” Kuroo observed softly, gently rubbing circles into his hip. “Talk to me.” Kuroo begged him quietly. 

Akaashi’s hand shock around his spoon, he put it down with a small clash back in the bowl before it could fall out of his hands from the tremors running through his fingers. After Kenma had left them, they had all agreed that the three of them that were left had to have better communication with one another, that they would always tell the other two how they were feeling or what they were thinking or why they were upset. The communication hadn't been exactly lacking when Kenma was still with them, but it was nothing extraordinary either.

As much as he didn't want to talk about it, he knew he couldn't keep this from Tetsurou and Koutarou. 

Just as he thought that, his captain arrived at their table, balancing quite a few servings of curry and rice on his tray. 

“Hey, hey, hey Akaashi~ is that all you’re eating, do you want me to get you something else?” Bokuto asked him when he spotted nothing but the bowl of miso sitting in front of him on the table. “Or hey, you can just share with me?” he offered, pushing his tray slightly towards Akaashi. 

“No thank you, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi said. 

“But aren't you-wait, what's wrong?” Bokuto asked him, when he noticed the looks on their faces.

At that, both Bokuto and Kuroo looked at him expectantly.   
Akaashi took a deep breath and pushed away the bowl over to Bokuto’s side of the table. 

“Kenma had one of his episodes today.”

Kuroo’s whole body went tense up against his. His hand unlatched from around his hip and his hands curled up together underneath his chin, face tucking down into them. 

“What wait-Akaashi how do you know-what?” Bokuto blabbered out, his face pinched all over in concern.

“Yaku-san came and found me because he didn't know what to do.” Akaashi said. “He wasn't talking to him and when we came around the corner he was scratching himself all over his thighs.”

“Did he say anything?” Kuroo asked him, his voice muffled because his fingers were covering his mouth. 

Akaashi anxiously bit the inside of his cheek before admitting, “He asked me if he was worthless and clung to me and kept on saying my name over and over again.” 

Kuroo’s breath hitched painfully next to him, and he seemed to move farther down the bench away from both of them. 

“And then what?” Bokuto asked him. 

“Nekomata-sensei told Yaku-san and I to go back to the gym, and then he and Kenma came back in a little while later. I don't know what he said or did to Kenma, or even if he said or did anything at all.” Akaashi finished, and before Bokuto and Kuroo could say anything else to him, he picked up his bowl and got up.

“I’m tired,” he told them. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” 

As he walked away, Bokuto moved to the other side of the table to pull Kuroo against him, letting him hide his tear stained face against his shoulder. 

…….. 

“Yaku-san.”

Yaku turned around on his futon to face Kenma, who was kneeling on his own in between his and Lev’s, head tilted down, hair shadowing his pale face.

“I’m sorry about today.” Kenma said to him, without looking up. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Yaku said quickly. “I was just-I’m really worried about you, Kenma.” Yaku admitted to him, while keeping his voice low so no one else on the team could hear him. 

“I’m sorry I made you worry about me, Yaku.” Kenma apologized again.

“Like I said, you don't have to apologize.” Yaku said again.

Kenma nodded and looked off to the side for a moment, clearly lost in thought, before he turned back to Yaku and asked him softly, “Can I ask you a favor?”

“Of course!” 

Yaku would do anything to help Kenma. 

……………………………..

“Oi Kuroo, have you seen Lev?” 

The ball hit the court on gymnasium three as Yaku entered.

“Yaku-san!” Lev yelped when he saw his boyfriend march further into the gym, eyes blazing when he caught sight of the half Russian still in position to block. 

“Leeeevvvvv!”

Lev squealed and ran to the other side of the net, Yaku following quickly after him, grabbing him by the back of his shirt and hauling him back towards the door. 

“Haven't I told you to stop running off to Kuroo?” Yaku lectured his boyfriend. “You need to work on your recieves.”

“Yaku-saaannn.” Lev whined, digging his heels into the gym floor. “I want to play! Receiving is boring!” 

Yaku gave his boyfriend a smoldering look. “Excuse me?” 

“I mean-not boring,” Lev quickly recovered, laughing nervously, “Receiving is totally awesome, libero’s are the best, right Kuroo-san? Bokuto-san? Hinata? Someone help me.” 

Yaku tsked and looked at Kuroo. “At least let me join in on the game so I can help him with receiving.” 

Kuroo looked rather amused at the couple's bickering, and not at all against having Yaku join on in with them, but-

“That would make it three against four.” Akaashi pointed out. 

Yaku put on a thoughtful look. “I’ll go see if I can go grab someone else.” Yaku spared his captain a look. “That okay?” 

“Yeah, sure, whatever, anyone's fine.” Kuroo said, waving a dismissive hand. 

Just then, in one of the loudest voices known to man, Lev raised one giant arm and, waving it around, shouted, “Kenma-san, come toss for me!” 

Kuroo, Bokuto, and Akaashi all went as still as stone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry i haven't been around in so long. I promise you all I wont leave this story, i am going to finish it, i just havent gotten new laptop still yet. 
> 
> it probably has a lot of mistakes because i was trying to get it out to you guys asap, so im sorry for that

_ “Yaku-san, I really miss them.”  _

 

For a moment, the gym was totally silent, Kenma stood a few feet away from the doorway, a towel thrown around his neck and a water bottle clenched in his pale hands. His shorts were high up enough that you could see the ends of some of the bandaids Nekomata-sensei had placed there over the scraps. 

 

Hinata, bless his Kenma loving heart, instantly threw himself out the door and went rushing towards him. 

 

“Yes!” He sang happily. “Please, Kenma! You can be on me and Lev’s team. And Yaku-san can play with us too! Plleaassee, it’ll be fun! You never toss for me!” He was already dragging the boy into the gym before he had answered him and pulling him onto their side of the court, Akaashi, Kuroo, Bokuto and Tsukishima on the other side. 

 

“Don't pull on him, Hinata-kun,” Yaku said with a soft sigh, gently prying the crows hands off of their setters delicate wrists. 

 

“It's fine, Yaku-san.” Kenma told him gently, accepting the ball that Lev had tossed into his hands. The other side of the net was silent, but no one protested at another game at this hour, not even Tsukishima. But that kid had brains, he probably knew exactly what was going on. 

 

“We can serve first?” Yaku asked Kuroo, and his captain just nodded, getting into position with the rest of his team as Kenma went to the back of the court to serve. 

 

As Kenma set himself up to serve, memories played in the back of his mind. Memories of Kuroo’s hands on his arm when they were kids while trying to teach him to serve properly, memories of Bokuto’s hands on his hips, just last year, while trying to teach him a trick that was supposed to help his serve go further, and memories of Akaashi’s lips in places that had nothing to do with volleyball, kisses on his cheeks when they saw each other again after a few days apart. 

 

He served the ball, and Kuroo received it effortlessly, because he knew everyone of his moves on court better than he did himself. 

 

The game went on, he set the ball for Hinata, he received, he moved out of Yaku’s way, he set again, he blocked (tried too) with Lev. 

 

His head was spinning, but not in a way that made him feel dizzy or sick, he played just fine. But his breath caught in his throat every time he met Kuroo’s gaze for a second from the other side of the net, his almond colored eyes that used to darken when he looked down at Kenma when he was underneath him. 

 

His heart squeezed in his chest every time he smelled the lavender detergent Bokuto’s mother used on his volleyball clothes. And on his bedding. The smell used to relax him and make him go even more pliant whenever Bokuto had his head pressed down in his pillows. 

 

His eyes stung whenever he glanced at Akaashi, remembering soft pants coming from those perfect lips as sweet slidedown the arch of his neck and dripped down onto him, those slender hands wiping it away and mumbling an embarrassed apology. 

 

_ “Yaku-san, I want to be around them again, without it being weird.” _

 

After a while, everyone seemed to forget exactly who they were playing against, and just played, even Kenma, who was taken out of his own thoughts and memories by Hinata’s cheers of excitement. Kuroo and Bokuto argued playfully back and forth, Akaashi beautiful mouth turned up into a soft smile, and for a little while, Kenma’s heart wasn't as heavy.

 

They all looked happy in those moments of time when they forgot, forgot that Kenma had hurt him, had left them.

 

They also forgot for a moment that they were sad often, and that Kuroo called Bokuto in the middle of the night crying at least once a week and that Akaashi missed school sometimes just so he could lock himself in his room and be alone. But Kenma didn't know that. 

 

As far as he knew, in those moment, they were happy, and that's what he wanted. That's all he had ever wanted. 

 

……

 

Kenma woke up because something was scaring him. It wasn't something in his dreams, but something in real life, he had sensed it even in his sleep. The lantern in the corner of the room was going in and out, the battery slowly dying. 

 

Kenma sat up as the lantern finally went out, the blankets falling off of his and curling around his feet, a whimper escaping his lips as he was casted in pitch darkness. The blinds of the room were all tightly shut, and even if they were opened, nothing in the sky would make the room any brighter. The night was cloudy, and the stars and the moon were hidden. 

 

His body was shaking, and he wanted to lay down and go under the covers but he was too afraid to move. He had always hated the dark, always, even when he was a baby. It terrified him. He didn't like going out at night unless it was in the heart of the city, he didn't like being the last one downstairs at night and having to turn the lights off, he didn't like laser tag or haunted houses or going to the movies, all because he didn't like the dark. 

 

Another whimper fell from his lips.

“Kenma.”

 

He jumped so hard he was sure that if Lev had seen it he would have laughed until he cried. The voice was muffled and filled with sleep, but he knew where it was coming from and who it was. He slowly looked across the aisle to the Kuroo’s shaped bundle in one of the futons. 

 

“Kenma.” 

 

He hummed in response, not trusting his own voice. 

 

“You okay?”

 

He didn't answer. 

 

He watched as the Kuroo shaped lump moved and Kuroo sat up just like him, his hair looking even more ridiculous than it usually did. 

 

They looked at each other through the darkness, and Kenma wondered what Kuroo was going to do or say, or if he was going to do or say anything at all. Kenma didn't deserve his comfort, he should go back to sleep and get his rest, and just leave him there to suffer.

 

But Kuroo wasn't like that, and he never would be. 

 

He watched as he grabbed something from out of his sheets, and moment later the room was illuminated as he turned the flashlight on his phone on, placing it at the end of the futon so it was closer to Kenma. 

 

Kuroo gave him a soft look, a look he didn't deserve and never would, but it was probably just because he was half asleep. “Go to sleep, okay baby? Everythings fine now.” 

 

Yeah, he was definitely half asleep. Kuroo laid back down and in a moment his soft snores filled the room once more.

 

Kenma watched him sleep for a long time, before finally going back to bed himself. 

  
_ “Yaku-san. I want to deserve their love again.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me what you thought if you like

**Author's Note:**

> not really sure how long this is going to be. Probably no more then five chapters, but its probably gonna be less than that.


End file.
